Stalemate

A few weeks ago I found myself in a bookstore with one of my good friends browsing through the self-help section.  Spying a small book about online dating I picked it up and started to flip through it.  One section jumped right out at me - how many messages you should exchange before moving on.

The basic concept is that after about 5 messages an online conversation turns pretty stale.  You run out of things to talk about and at this point the man should either ask to see you, or you should cut your losses and move on.

While this may seem like a harsh limit to some of you (probably those who have never tried online dating) it is completely true.  Do you believe in fate?  Because that day I had just sent my 15th reply to Mitch, a guy with whom I had started talking to a few weeks prior.  Our conversation hadn’t slowed at this point, but I did find myself more and more disappointed by his lack of invitation to meet.

So when Mitch replied later that day I left it alone, telling myself that I could always go back and message him later.

Fast forward a week and a half.  Systematically going through and deleting some of my old messages I see that I never responded to Mitch!  I hadn’t intentionally ignored his message for so long, and I felt guilty for passing on someone who seemed really interesting.  I decided to compromise - I messaged him but kept it short.

BAM!  Mitch’s next message was a perfectly crafted invitation to meet up that weekend for a late dessert at a cafe we had talked about in previous messages.

 

What?  Don't tell me you never act like this after a long awaited message...

On the surface it turned out to be the perfect date.  Our conversation felt natural and there were no awkward pauses.  Unfortunately I was not as attracted to him in person as I had been to the idea of him (his pictures, and the way he came through via messages).

Finally the date came to a good stopping point and I casually mentioned that my friends were waiting at a local bar for me to join them.  This turned out to be a mistake, as he proceeded to ask if he could tag along.

Thankfully he was extremely low maintenance at the bar, something I appreciate immensely!  There is nothing worse than needing to babysit your friends/significant other to help them feel included.

Although I felt a little guilty about it later, Mitch’s low maintenance approach allowed me to mingle and practice flirting with several other men who turned up at the bar.  

Never one to miss an opportunity to fine-tune my game I engaged in a playful conversation with an attractive gentleman (Nick) and his friend (Aaron)... both of whom I ended up taking home later that evening (don’t worry, Mitch had gone home long before the flirting became too intense).

This would be a good time to point out that while many of the sites and books I reference have great advice, it is important to tailor each 'rule' to your own needs.  While I think moving on after several messages is a good idea, in this case replying kept me from being held back by wondering what could have happened.  At least now I know!