Threesomes part 2: The Magical Unicorn

“Never one to miss an opportunity to fine-tune my game I engaged in a playful conversation with an attractive gentleman (Nick) and his friend (Aaron)... both of whom I ended up taking home later that evening (don’t worry, Mitch had gone home long before the flirting became too intense).”

At first i’m sure you thought you hadn’t read that passage right.  I couldn’t possibly have taken both Aaron and Nick home with me that night.  

Especially after having had a first date with Mitch earlier that day.  Ladies I’m telling you... threesomes are not just about two women and a man anymore!

Here I was, enjoying a drink between two fairly attractive men when Nick leaned over and whispered a proposition.  I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly as the music in this particular bar was quite loud.  Had he just said something about both of them walking me home?   Then he winked and added “If you catch my meaning.”

I’ll admit I laughed.  Laughed and went back to my drink, thinking that he was messing with me.  A few minutes later though he reiterated his proposition and added that it would only go as far as I was comfortable... of course.

What the hell I said.  Nick was a doctor (or so he said) and Aaron had just broken up with his longterm girlfriend (which explained his awkward and mopey conversations) and we could all use an adventure!  I told my friends I was going home and reassured them I was comfortable leaving with these strangers.  Little did I know several of my friends had a bet going about who I was eventually going to take home with me that night; the choices being Nick, Aaron, Mitch or another guy who was also with us at the time.  How surprised they were when they all technically lost the bet!

I will throw out a warning before I go into too much detail.  This situation could have gone down a much darker path.  None of my roommates were home and I was letting in two strange men who, if they wanted, could have easily overpowered me if they didn’t get their way.  I was incredibly lucky that all went well, just be aware and look for red flags before you take home random hotties :P

Everything started off fairly typically.  I poured some wine, they complemented me profusely, and we moved towards the bedroom.  Nick came up with an incredibly cheesy nickname of sorts for me.  Stating that I was a very rare woman (I believe he meant that as a compliment) and that they were lucky to have found me he then dubbed me a magical unicorn.  A phrase that was repeated throughout the rest of the night and became a bit of a joke between my friends and I.

The beginning consisted mostly of making out, and moved towards what you would typically find in a male-male-female threesome.  Making out with one guy while the other finds different places for his mouth.  When things started to heat up however, I realized with some embarrassment that I only had one condom in my nightstand.  Nick asked if it was necessary that we have them.  I believe that the look on my face and the stern ‘yes’ was a good answer.  

Aaron got up at that point and ran to the nearby gas station to pick up some more.  He wasn’t gone long, but long enough for me to get a preview of what Nick had to offer.  I wasn’t disappointed. 

Nick was very insistent that we should try to focus mostly on Aaron so he would forget about his ex.  Aaron, however, didn’t seem particularly into it.  He was an average kisser I’ll give him that but when it came right down to it he just couldn’t... well... seal the deal.  He was quite a bit smaller than his friend so I had two conclusions: he was feeling emasculated next to his friend/couldn’t focus with another male in the room or he didn’t find me attractive.  I found the last a little hard to believe since he was the one who ran out for more condoms but I suppose I will never know.

In the end I enjoyed myself, despite Nick going for certain areas I explicitly didn’t want him to venture towards.  I had to tell him no a couple times but eventually he stopped trying.  

No.  Just no.

Again I am aware I was lucky that these two men were as well behaved as they were.  I’m not sad that I had this experience but I recognize that it could have ended very, very badly.

The boys left before I got up the next day but I do remember them saying goodbye before they left.  The experience must not have been all bad as Nick continued to text me for a week or so after.  He even came around for an early morning booty call a week later!

So tell me, have you ever had a threesome?  Would you go home with two guys?

High Expectations

        A couple months ago I had just gotten home from having a couple drinks with Jake when I received a text from Nathan asking for a favor.  Nathan and I met while attending a conference together 4 years ago.  He was nice, funny, and easy to talk to so it’s no surprise that I developed a little crush on the guy.  Unfortunately I wasn’t able to act on the crush as we were both dating other people at the time.

Years pass and we see each other occasionally on campus but don’t really hang out for longer than 10 minutes at a time.  So when he asked for a favor this particular Friday night I had no problem lending my services as I was excited for an excuse to see him while he was in town (he had recently moved to the quad-cities).

Turns out the poor guy had lost his keys in one of the bars and by the time we reached them they were all closing down and told him to come back the next day.  As I’m sure you can guess this led Nathan to ask to crash if he could crash on my couch.

Back at the apartment it didn’t take long for him to make a move.  The situation had potential to go one of two ways:

It would turn into amazing no strings attached sex with a long time crush or I would be heavily disappointed in one way or another.

If you guess that it was an awful experience you’d be correct!  Not only was he sloppy drunk - potentially inhibiting his ability to kiss decently but he also emitted a strange, high-pitched moan occasionally.  The strangest part was that there was no reason for him to be moaning.  

Uh... what...?

Once I realized he was going to be sloppy in bed I decided I was going to be selfish and just make out with him and if he wanted to still venture south of the border so be it.  Granted he knew what he was doing with his hands but the moaning was a little distracting at times.

Don’t get me wrong; it can be incredibly sexy when a man sighs or groans occasionally when pleasuring me... I take it as a sign they are enjoying themselves.  But this was the equivalent of those annoying girls in porn with their non-stop moaning and high-pitched voices telling you that yes: you are God’s gift to women (not..)

Did I feel a bit like a selfish bitch the next day? Yes.  But I had made it very clear I didn’t want to have sex and I have a pretty strict policy against oral sex unless I really like the person.  I feel it’s important to stay true to yourself and to not compromise your body if it’s not something you really want.

So there you have it.  I imagined what it would be like to hook up with this guy for 4+ years only to be disappointed when the opportunity came.  Bummer.

My question to you all is this: Have you ever gotten the opportunity to hook up with someone you’ve always wanted?  Did it go well or was it a disaster like mine?  I’d love to hear your stories!

Let's talk about sex

Folks I have a problem.  For the past month i’ve been spending a couple nights a week in a bed that is not my own.  I’m no stranger to FWB situations or random hook-ups.  In fact, I do enjoy having a steady friend with benefits every once in a while.  

So what’s the problem?  Well I’ve discussed before the importance of not having sex too early, especially when you’re looking for a relationship.  

My dilemma: This particular man is not in the market for said relationship.  

Oddly enough he is also not in the market for casual sex.  

Wait a minute - so the guy doesn’t want casual sex, but also doesn’t want a relationship? 
Correct.  

Quite the paradox yes?

What exactly is happening then?  At his request the sleepovers in question have stayed relatively PG until recently.  A few nights ago innocent cuddling turned into a pretty heavy, basically naked make-out session.  Now I won’t go into too much detail but needless to say 60 more seconds in that situation and I was going to jump him.

Well that looks familiar.

Unfortunately, being the level-headed one at the time I put on the breaks and we resumed innocent cuddling status.  

More like semi-innocent cuddling status.

My dear readers I will tell you one thing - I was not very happy.

Now to be fair, I did put myself in this situation.  I went over to his house fully intending on going home to my own bed - even if he asked me to stay - as I was still slightly upset about a conversation we had the previous week (more on that later).  
I have absolutely zero willpower when it comes to this man.  Well I suppose that’s not true; if I had zero we might have ended up having sex that night.

To be completely honest I really want to sleep with him.  I’ve never met anyone who can make me feel the way he does.  We’ve spent countless hours running our hands over each other’s bodies in the most sensual and surprisingly nonsexual way possible.  

My mind often wanders while going about my day to those moments and I’ll shiver and smile in anticipation of the next time I can be with him.  I know I won’t be disappointed if the day ever comes when we do sleep together.

Unfortunately for me this will all remain just a fantasy.  Because no matter how much I want to have sex with this man I know I want a real relationship with him more.  Knowing full well that he does not want a relationship with me renders the whole topic a moot point.

So what’s a girl to do? 

Continue to compromise myself by sleeping over and eventually having my feelings hurt down the road?
Stop seeing him all together and be hurt immediately?

I'll probably choose the more fun and exciting path.

Threesomes Part 1

It seems to be every guy’s fantasy.  A girl invites a man back to her place where he is introduced to her hot roommate.  The two girls begin to touch each other and proceed to invite the man to join them.  A threesome ensues, good times are had by all and the male is able to leave in the morning - no strings attached and able to brag to his friends later that very day.  This risque topic is discussed in embarrassed tones between female friends, many of them saying they would be too insecure or protective of the man to let in another woman.  I have seen many r/askreddit and r/sex threads devoted to the topic.  Many questions include tips for a successful threesome or asking for stories from adventuresome folks who have experienced them.

Below I may go into some pretty detailed descriptions of my experiences with this topic, so if you don’t want to hear about it then stop reading!  This content is not suitable for all ages.

I have always been pretty aware and open with my sexual likes and dislikes, so it was not out of the ordinary for my significant other and I to discuss different fantasies we would like to play out.  As mentioned above, one fantasy that was usually on his mind was that of a threesome.  

To all you ladies out there who assume this should be offensive - it’s not!  

A threesome fantasy is not always about wanting to sleep with other people.  

Do not allow yourself to think you’re not good enough to continually please your S.O.  Men often see girl on girl action in porn and think it’s the hottest thing ever (they’re not alone, I too enjoy a little girl/girl visual stimuli every once in a while).

Imagine you’re a man...I ask you - wouldn’t it be super hot to see your girlfriend being pleasured by another woman right in front of you?  Wouldn’t it be EVEN HOTTER if you were able to join in?  This is why this particular fantasy is so common.

So X (my most recent ex-boyfriend) and I had a very honest discussion about what it would take for a threesome to happen.  One main thing I see a lot in the threads on Reddit is that couples attempting to have a threesome need to be very comfortable with each other and have PREDETERMINED RULES.

My rules included:

*Had to be someone we were not good friends with, as I assumed this would lead to awkwardness later.

*Everyone had to mostly focus on me: I know this sounds selfish, but even though I find women attractive I don’t particularly like to touch them.  This rule was also in place so that X wouldn’t focus too much on the other girl, preventing me from getting too jealous.

*There was to be NO PENETRATION of the other woman by X.  Kissing and touching seemed fine to me, but the act of intercourse seemed to border too much on cheating for me.

Now, in my head I didn’t think a threesome with X and I would ever actually happen, as we weren’t really the type to introduce ourselves to strangers in the bar or look online for potential 3rd parties.

Life goes on, time passes, and one night several friends, X, and I are drinking at X’s apartment.  I will admit, I was completely wasted.  The party started to clear out and one thing lead to another and suddenly I was making out with one of our mutual female friends.  After a pretty sexy make out session I told our friend she could share the bed with X and I so she didn’t have to sleep on the couch.

We all piled into X’s bed and began making out with each other again.  Pretty soon everyone was naked and I was thoroughly enjoying myself.  Our friend knew what she was doing in the pleasure department that’s for sure.  In the heat of the moment I urged X to go ahead and fuck our friend, though after a minute he stopped, telling me later that he was unsure how I would feel about it in the morning.

This is a really good example of how even the best laid plans go awry... in the heat of the moment I wanted X to break a rule, but thankfully he was aware enough of my feelings to make a better judgement call and to ultimately follow the rules.  He was right, I would have been pissed the next day.  I am incredibly grateful he behaved the way he did.

As for not sleeping with someone we knew.... Oops.  Thankfully, our friend had had similar adventures before and knew how to be an adult about it.  It wasn’t awkward at all the next few times we all hung out.  

There were even some inside jokes/secret looks passed between all of us that confused other members of our friend circle occasionally.  Overall I am happy that she is the one it happened with, as it would have been a disaster with anyone else.  So pick your 3rd party carefully!

I know what some of you may be thinking - It had to have effected our relationship somehow...

You’d be absolutely right.  It did put a strain on our relationship.  X had ideas about how the experience could have been improved upon (he was so worried about how I would react the next day he didn’t fully enjoy the experience).  He occasionally mentioned trying again and since I wasn’t really interested it got annoying extremely fast.

There were also brief periods of time when I would become insecure and we would fight; sometimes bringing our female friend’s name into it, even though she was not at fault in any way.

Long story short, even if you are extremely prepared and have all the rules in place and think you’re in the most comfortable secure relationship on the planet, something will invariably not go according to plan.  

Do I regret doing it?  Nope.  It was an extremely enjoyable experience.

Would I do it again?  Nope.  Not with a S.O. anyway ;)

Stay tuned for Threesomes Part 2 and discuss your experiences below!

Hindsight is 20/20

I would like to apologize in advance to all my readers trying to put events into chronological order while reading.  Thus far I’ve been writing as things pop into my head, or writing for my friends, knowing what sort of situations they are currently going through and how my words might help.  Now I’m in the process of going back and filling in the gaps - something I’d like to avoid in the future.  Please be patient with me!

On to the good stuff...

Jordan and I had quickly become friends on facebook after meeting at our mutual friend’s party and had a few IM conversations before he finally asked for my number one evening.  Several days later he invited me to meet him and some of his friends at a bar.

I ended up having a really nice time, even though I went into the evening only knowing two people.  Jordan was really laid back; initially staying by my side and introduced me to everyone he knew.  Gradually as I became more comfortable he mingled with his friends and left me to my own devices, occasionally catching my eye across the room to make sure I was still doing ok.  I really appreciate this characteristic in a man - knowing when to leave me alone (if I’m involved in a conversation) and when to rescue me (in the event i’m obviously bored)

As the gathering started to dissipate I turned to Jordan to let him know I was leaving and he caught me really off guard by asking if I wanted to come home with him.

I would like to start by saying that while I liked what I had seen of Jordan’s personality at this point I still wasn’t sure what category I was hoping he would fall into (boyfriend material, friend, friend with benefits).

That being said, I ended up going back to his place.  We went into his room under the pretense of watching a movie (yeah right...) and made ourselves comfortable.

Before I knew it we were making out.  Originally I didn’t want to sleep with him, knowing that I still didn’t know what category to put him in.  

Reminder: It’s important not to sleep with someone on the ‘first date’ if you’re hoping for a relationship.

Even though I knew full well that I should have ended the evening at that point, I also felt like I didn’t know how to turn him down since we had already started fooling around.  Several days later I found a post from another blog outlining exactly how to handle this situation... Isn’t that how life always works?

As I’m sure you can guess, we ended up having sex.  I really enjoyed it; he knew just how to balance treating me as a lady but taking me like a man.  If you’ve never experienced this let me break it down for you:

*He spent a good amount of time getting to know my body

*Took his time kissing/caressing

*Wasn’t selfish 

*Knew when to be firm ;)

*Wasn’t afraid to be a little rougher/more passionate at times

He initiated post-sex cuddling, and even adjusted the pillows in the middle of the night when he realized I had rolled off of them (he doesn’t know I woke up when this happened).

The next morning we went to breakfast, had an easy and playful conversation, did a little shopping and then went our separate ways.

Of course I told my good friend Iris about it right away... because we girls gossip like that.  

(ok... I wouldn't go that far...)

One of her first questions included, “when/are you going to text him later?”

The answer to that my friends is no.  Generally it is a good idea to let the man initiate contact in the early stages of any relationship so I decided to wait it out.

So naturally I was thrilled when he sent a text later in the day asking how I was and if I had enjoyed myself the previous evening.  At this point I was hooked.  Based on what I had seen of his personality I wished I hadn’t slept with him so early.  Knowing that it’s very difficult to go from hook-up to relationship I set my sights on hopefully turning the this into a stable friends with benefits situation.

This of course didn’t end up happening, and even though i’m disappointed I don’t necessarily regret anything.  We still see each other/talk regularly and I can now learn from my mistakes.

The take way:

*If you want a relationship, don’t have sex until you have some kind of commitment.

*In the event of putting yourself in a situation where sex is imminent:

*Make your intentions clear (you won’t sleep with him...tonight)

*Without interruptions firmly guide away his hands

*Repeat that you don’t want to go there... yet

Feel free to discuss your similar situations below in the comments!