From what I understand it is human nature to want to define and understand the relationships around us. It comes as no shock then that when it comes to our personal relationships we want to slap a label on them as soon as possible. Today I was reading an article by Suzie, author of The Single Dating Diva, in which she discusses defining relationships and if it is even really necessary.
Suzie points out that many college age and young professionals don’t seem to be that eager to define the relationship. I’ve noticed this trend mostly with my male friends. When asked about the women they are seeing they reply that they are just ‘hanging out’ and ‘seeing where it goes’. From female friends I usually hear that they’re ‘just talking’, ‘seeing each other’, or ‘dating, but not exclusively’.
Almost every woman I talk to undoubtedly wants to define the relationship but most are too scared of pushing the man away. Understandable, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
From my own experiences I’ve learned that just approaching the subject of DTR puts pressure on whatever is between the two parties. This is unavoidable... so GET OVER IT.
What you should be focusing on is how to make the whole talk a pleasant experience.
But the talk usually goes something like this.
*Remember that it’s not just your feelings on the line, but your partner’s as well.
*Wait for the right moment - right before you meet your friends for dinner probably isn’t the best choice.
*Don’t assume anything
*Arguing won’t help. If it’s not the answer you were hoping for ask for clarification but don’t counter.
Now this is very important:
If your partner is the one wanting to DTR for the love of all that is holy don’t lead them on. If you’re not really feeling a relationship with them don’t sugar coat it. You’re not doing either of you any favors by continuing to see each other when you’re not prepared to take things to the next level eventually. Keeping your partner around ‘just in case’ is inconsiderate.
I am notorious for jumping the gun when it comes to DTR. I wanted to keep things really casual at the beginning of my relationship with X but ended up officially labeling us three weeks after starting to see each other. The same happened with Ray recently and the resulting pressure was one of our biggest downfalls.
Unfortunately I think defining the relationship is necessary. Personally I’d go crazy after a few weeks of not knowing exactly where I stand with someone. Thankfully i’m getting better at being patient and letting things happen more naturally.
Woah bro... lets slow things down a bit
“Taking responsibility for your relationships is a sign of maturity. It’s a sign that your life is moving forward. When you spend a lot of time with someone, share your life with them, share your ups and downs with them, when you talk every day, when they are constantly on your mind, when they make you happy and bring something positive into your life why not define it?”
- Suzie A. Author of Single Dating Diva
What do you think? DTR: Necessary or no?
