Open Up

Many of my female friends have recently asked for my secret when it comes to encouraging men to approach me at the bar.  According to them men apparently seem to flock to me when we are out.

During one conversation in particular my friend and I were sitting at the bar and she was complaining about men and the fact they never seemed interested in approaching her.

Taking a quick note of our body language in that moment I saw immediately what the problem was.  We were both slouching with our torsos directed towards the bartender.  We could have been the hottest girls in the room but if I were a man looking for some action I wouldn't go anywhere near that scene... it's just asking to be rejected.

Not only did we have poor body language, but there were no openings in the crowd for an interested man to approach.

A good rule of thumb is to keep your torso facing outward, that way you can make eye contact with anyone you may be interested in.  

Graphic: The Rules Revisited

Fixing my posture and turning my body out towards the crowd I began to scan the room for potentials.  Personally frustrated with various other things in my life I decided to focus on being a good wing-woman.

One man I noticed kept looking in our direction, so I decided to draw him in.  After several moments of prolonged eye contact he made his way over to us.  After introductions were made and the conversation seemed like it was heading in a good direction I excused myself to the ladies room. (Girls take note, to be a good wing-woman you need to make sure to give your friend some alone time every once in a while, this gives the man the opportunity to ask for her number later in the conversation.)

By changing my body language the prospective man was able to easily join the conversation.

On another occasion my friend Iris acted as the perfect wing-woman.  She had been drinking at the bar and had started a conversation with two guys as they had come up to buy a drink.  She summoned me over and proceeded to introduce me, giving a relevant piece of information about my hobbies that included me in the conversation that was already happening.  She made it super easy for me to join by rotating her back to the bar, including all four of us in the 'circle'.

Iris and two prospects

It is important to note that you should avoid the 'circle' if at all possible when you are out trying to meet people.  I know you've all seen the groups of 4 or more girls out at the bar, heads bowed towards each other or dancing in a circle.  This is super intimidating to outsiders trying to introduce themselves.  And these girls wonder why no one talks to them all night....

For example:  Several weeks ago I was out with two good friends.  I made sure that we sat at the bar with an opening between us all.  We were still close enough to hear each other but there was an obvious opening for someone to approach and talk to either of my friends.

Having open body language however will not automatically draw people to you.  I've come to learn that just being approachable is not enough for some men.  I mean, let's face it, rejection is tough for everyone right?

Here is what usually works for me:

1.  Make eye contact.  For at least 10 seconds. 

(not all at once... don't be creepy now) 

You can look away and back holding for a few seconds at a time.

Yikes...

2.  Smile... naturally

Andrew makes a good note that smiling isn't always a good thing as forcing a smile often looks awkward.  I tend to do a half smile while averting my eyes for a moment before glancing back.

3.  If these steps don't work I usually move on.  Or if i'm really interested I keep an eye out for when he goes to order another drink and make my way towards the bar at the same time.

Initiating conversations with people while waiting to order a drink is probably the easiest way to meet people at the bar!  I tell all of my male friends to introduce themselves to every woman who stands next to them to order.  It's good practice and you never know, you might end up liking them!

Another extremely important lesson i've learned since December is that you should never pass up an opportunity to practice your game.  The night of the last example the male to female ratio was ridiculous.  I wasn't feeling particularly sexy or even interested in any of the men but I knew it was important to practice making eye contact with people, and since there were so many men to choose from it was a perfect night for target practice.

I chose my victim and followed my usual pattern and he surprised us all by immediately coming over to introduce himself.  

While this doesn't always happen i'd say 3 out of 5 attempts end in at least a short conversation.

It's important to remember in these instances that you shouldn't take it personally if after a few minutes a man walks away without asking for your number.   Just remember that it was good practice and move on to the next guy.

Hopefully these examples will help next time you're out at the bar!

As always feel free to comment/discuss how some of these tricks have worked for you!