Threesomes Part 1

It seems to be every guy’s fantasy.  A girl invites a man back to her place where he is introduced to her hot roommate.  The two girls begin to touch each other and proceed to invite the man to join them.  A threesome ensues, good times are had by all and the male is able to leave in the morning - no strings attached and able to brag to his friends later that very day.  This risque topic is discussed in embarrassed tones between female friends, many of them saying they would be too insecure or protective of the man to let in another woman.  I have seen many r/askreddit and r/sex threads devoted to the topic.  Many questions include tips for a successful threesome or asking for stories from adventuresome folks who have experienced them.

Below I may go into some pretty detailed descriptions of my experiences with this topic, so if you don’t want to hear about it then stop reading!  This content is not suitable for all ages.

I have always been pretty aware and open with my sexual likes and dislikes, so it was not out of the ordinary for my significant other and I to discuss different fantasies we would like to play out.  As mentioned above, one fantasy that was usually on his mind was that of a threesome.  

To all you ladies out there who assume this should be offensive - it’s not!  

A threesome fantasy is not always about wanting to sleep with other people.  

Do not allow yourself to think you’re not good enough to continually please your S.O.  Men often see girl on girl action in porn and think it’s the hottest thing ever (they’re not alone, I too enjoy a little girl/girl visual stimuli every once in a while).

Imagine you’re a man...I ask you - wouldn’t it be super hot to see your girlfriend being pleasured by another woman right in front of you?  Wouldn’t it be EVEN HOTTER if you were able to join in?  This is why this particular fantasy is so common.

So X (my most recent ex-boyfriend) and I had a very honest discussion about what it would take for a threesome to happen.  One main thing I see a lot in the threads on Reddit is that couples attempting to have a threesome need to be very comfortable with each other and have PREDETERMINED RULES.

My rules included:

*Had to be someone we were not good friends with, as I assumed this would lead to awkwardness later.

*Everyone had to mostly focus on me: I know this sounds selfish, but even though I find women attractive I don’t particularly like to touch them.  This rule was also in place so that X wouldn’t focus too much on the other girl, preventing me from getting too jealous.

*There was to be NO PENETRATION of the other woman by X.  Kissing and touching seemed fine to me, but the act of intercourse seemed to border too much on cheating for me.

Now, in my head I didn’t think a threesome with X and I would ever actually happen, as we weren’t really the type to introduce ourselves to strangers in the bar or look online for potential 3rd parties.

Life goes on, time passes, and one night several friends, X, and I are drinking at X’s apartment.  I will admit, I was completely wasted.  The party started to clear out and one thing lead to another and suddenly I was making out with one of our mutual female friends.  After a pretty sexy make out session I told our friend she could share the bed with X and I so she didn’t have to sleep on the couch.

We all piled into X’s bed and began making out with each other again.  Pretty soon everyone was naked and I was thoroughly enjoying myself.  Our friend knew what she was doing in the pleasure department that’s for sure.  In the heat of the moment I urged X to go ahead and fuck our friend, though after a minute he stopped, telling me later that he was unsure how I would feel about it in the morning.

This is a really good example of how even the best laid plans go awry... in the heat of the moment I wanted X to break a rule, but thankfully he was aware enough of my feelings to make a better judgement call and to ultimately follow the rules.  He was right, I would have been pissed the next day.  I am incredibly grateful he behaved the way he did.

As for not sleeping with someone we knew.... Oops.  Thankfully, our friend had had similar adventures before and knew how to be an adult about it.  It wasn’t awkward at all the next few times we all hung out.  

There were even some inside jokes/secret looks passed between all of us that confused other members of our friend circle occasionally.  Overall I am happy that she is the one it happened with, as it would have been a disaster with anyone else.  So pick your 3rd party carefully!

I know what some of you may be thinking - It had to have effected our relationship somehow...

You’d be absolutely right.  It did put a strain on our relationship.  X had ideas about how the experience could have been improved upon (he was so worried about how I would react the next day he didn’t fully enjoy the experience).  He occasionally mentioned trying again and since I wasn’t really interested it got annoying extremely fast.

There were also brief periods of time when I would become insecure and we would fight; sometimes bringing our female friend’s name into it, even though she was not at fault in any way.

Long story short, even if you are extremely prepared and have all the rules in place and think you’re in the most comfortable secure relationship on the planet, something will invariably not go according to plan.  

Do I regret doing it?  Nope.  It was an extremely enjoyable experience.

Would I do it again?  Nope.  Not with a S.O. anyway ;)

Stay tuned for Threesomes Part 2 and discuss your experiences below!

Open Up

Many of my female friends have recently asked for my secret when it comes to encouraging men to approach me at the bar.  According to them men apparently seem to flock to me when we are out.

During one conversation in particular my friend and I were sitting at the bar and she was complaining about men and the fact they never seemed interested in approaching her.

Taking a quick note of our body language in that moment I saw immediately what the problem was.  We were both slouching with our torsos directed towards the bartender.  We could have been the hottest girls in the room but if I were a man looking for some action I wouldn't go anywhere near that scene... it's just asking to be rejected.

Not only did we have poor body language, but there were no openings in the crowd for an interested man to approach.

A good rule of thumb is to keep your torso facing outward, that way you can make eye contact with anyone you may be interested in.  

Graphic: The Rules Revisited

Fixing my posture and turning my body out towards the crowd I began to scan the room for potentials.  Personally frustrated with various other things in my life I decided to focus on being a good wing-woman.

One man I noticed kept looking in our direction, so I decided to draw him in.  After several moments of prolonged eye contact he made his way over to us.  After introductions were made and the conversation seemed like it was heading in a good direction I excused myself to the ladies room. (Girls take note, to be a good wing-woman you need to make sure to give your friend some alone time every once in a while, this gives the man the opportunity to ask for her number later in the conversation.)

By changing my body language the prospective man was able to easily join the conversation.

On another occasion my friend Iris acted as the perfect wing-woman.  She had been drinking at the bar and had started a conversation with two guys as they had come up to buy a drink.  She summoned me over and proceeded to introduce me, giving a relevant piece of information about my hobbies that included me in the conversation that was already happening.  She made it super easy for me to join by rotating her back to the bar, including all four of us in the 'circle'.

Iris and two prospects

It is important to note that you should avoid the 'circle' if at all possible when you are out trying to meet people.  I know you've all seen the groups of 4 or more girls out at the bar, heads bowed towards each other or dancing in a circle.  This is super intimidating to outsiders trying to introduce themselves.  And these girls wonder why no one talks to them all night....

For example:  Several weeks ago I was out with two good friends.  I made sure that we sat at the bar with an opening between us all.  We were still close enough to hear each other but there was an obvious opening for someone to approach and talk to either of my friends.

Having open body language however will not automatically draw people to you.  I've come to learn that just being approachable is not enough for some men.  I mean, let's face it, rejection is tough for everyone right?

Here is what usually works for me:

1.  Make eye contact.  For at least 10 seconds. 

(not all at once... don't be creepy now) 

You can look away and back holding for a few seconds at a time.

Yikes...

2.  Smile... naturally

Andrew makes a good note that smiling isn't always a good thing as forcing a smile often looks awkward.  I tend to do a half smile while averting my eyes for a moment before glancing back.

3.  If these steps don't work I usually move on.  Or if i'm really interested I keep an eye out for when he goes to order another drink and make my way towards the bar at the same time.

Initiating conversations with people while waiting to order a drink is probably the easiest way to meet people at the bar!  I tell all of my male friends to introduce themselves to every woman who stands next to them to order.  It's good practice and you never know, you might end up liking them!

Another extremely important lesson i've learned since December is that you should never pass up an opportunity to practice your game.  The night of the last example the male to female ratio was ridiculous.  I wasn't feeling particularly sexy or even interested in any of the men but I knew it was important to practice making eye contact with people, and since there were so many men to choose from it was a perfect night for target practice.

I chose my victim and followed my usual pattern and he surprised us all by immediately coming over to introduce himself.  

While this doesn't always happen i'd say 3 out of 5 attempts end in at least a short conversation.

It's important to remember in these instances that you shouldn't take it personally if after a few minutes a man walks away without asking for your number.   Just remember that it was good practice and move on to the next guy.

Hopefully these examples will help next time you're out at the bar!

As always feel free to comment/discuss how some of these tricks have worked for you!